Sometimes I remember more vividly


It was the break between april and may, the long weekend. My grandma was first in the hospital for two weeks and then got to a home where they care for you until the time is right to say good bye. Mom, grandpa and I sat at her side during the weekend. She commented on the fact that my best friend was going to marry and then over night it got worse, mom stayed behind during the night while grandpa and I slept at the house. Mom called us in the break of dawn and told us to come as fast as we could. When we got there she was asleep though mom and I could hear it was not long before she would really leave us. We called my uncle and he came too and about 30 minutes after grandma left us, no drama she just stopped breathing and then there were nothing.

She was going turn 70 this summer. What took her was the aftermaths of dealing with cancer for more than 20 years on and off, since she barely had any immune system in the end and she got easily sick. Somehow I seem to think of her every day and therefore she feels close to me even though I do know she is gone. It is still unreal. I still picture her somewhere in grandpa’s house doing something else while I sit in the living room with grandpa. She was that kind of person, always doing something in the garden, or in the kitchen, or mending something at the sowing machine, or just resting on the bed. I still visit grandpa regularly and the garden has never been more lovely then this year. The fruit trees have grown together and shapes like a roof of different fruit hanging down. Grandpa has been my grandma’s rock, he made sure things and stuff was made like they were supposed to be the last couple of years when grandma got more tired and had to rest more.

Grandma is…was my most close relative. She taught me many things I have use of today, we painted with oil colours when I was just 2 years old, she took me into the woods and taught me what I ought to know. I wrote this for her after she passed as to remember not only her but to remember that life goes on, even though it feels hard sometimes.


I am watching over you until the time is right,

when you let go of this world I will catch you.

Together we walk through woods and fields in full blom,

towards the next adventure.

Those you leave behind will remember you like yesterday.

Don’t worry.

When the time is right for your loved ones,

they will once more be at your side.

The time for catching up will come,

Until then, live and make sure you have a tale to tell.


She was born 1945-07-04 and passed away 2015-05-02.


2 thoughts on “Sometimes I remember more vividly

    1. …so we have a tale to tell…

      Sometimes it just hits you…shit she did really pass away…and I was there when it happened and it did really happened…

      But yes, I agree, one foot in front of the other 🙂

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